(Strategically) In Love

Glasses (Forever 21), Sweatshirt (Arc Thrift Store), Pants (hemmed, Salvation army), Shoes (some shoe store in Orchard mall, heh)


Thought of the day:
I came across these letters I wrote a while back, and they were legitimate LOVE LETTERS! You could only imagine the horror that rushed over me when I started to read every cheesy, cliche word that had actually come from my very own stream of conscienceness. At first I wanted to scream, because yes, I actually remember sending these letters too (all FOUR PAGES), but then I realized, that after 2 years, I have truly suppressed my own hopes for romance and happy endings. I always kinda thought I grew up a pessimist, maybe it was because I had a world class cynic as a sister, or hard-disciplining realists as parents, but it wasn't until I came across such letters that I realized just how much of a romantic I am, or well, had been. I mean, I guess I always knew I had it in me, but embracing it seemed like such a bold move, and there it was, typed proof that embracing it was exactly what I had done. I could blame my naivity or age at that time but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to make excuses. I think it surprisingly relieves me to know that at one point or another I was willing to let myself fall head over heels infatuated with someone. At the end, I actually said I love you too! It was as if I thought I was in The Notebook writing a letter to Ryan Gosling.
I won't delete those letters in disgust or embarrassment, but instead I'll keep them saved, in my "Guilty Pleasures" folder, if such a folder existed. Because it reminds me that once upon a time I was okay with being a little reckless when it came to falling for someone. And it reminds me that I'm capable of putting myself out there and hoping for the best instead of expecting the worst. And maybe one day I won't feel like I have to act so restrained, maybe one day I can picture myself telling someone I love him without cringing, maybe one day I'll write another love letter and send it again.

Blooming Season

Call it spring time, call it renewed ambition, but lately all I want to do is to express myself creatively in as many ways possible. With school ending and my brain cleared of numerical values and grade point averages, I think my soul will finally be able to inhale a little goodness and exhale a little goodness. And I'm pretty excited about that.

So while I will be keeping up with the writing in my blog, I'll also be keeping a look book in this sucker. A fashion log if you will. Hope you all like it :)

PS, look out for more of my photography, For the Lust Photography, being posted on my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/louisa.meng

Also, my dance crew Hype 303 will be performing June 11th at the Colorado Hip Hop Festival and June 12th at FACC's 15th Annual Philippine Festival, come watch and support!

ALSO, check out Jay Cole photography with Seniors @ 5280 on Facebook.

Okay. That is all.

Gray blazer (H&M), White top (Buffalo Exchange Thrift Store), hoop earrings

Laced top (The Arc), High-wasted jean shorts (Mom's Closet), stockings, brown laced boots (thrifted)

Sleep walking Dream talking

The drool on my pillow

Was worth it.

Because for moments

You were right in front of me

But the waking up

Brought back reality too suddenly

So fast I hadn't even made up my mind on what to wear

Put on my fly as if you were here

So fresh like air

Lookin' in the miror

Like,

Sho'nuff I'd hit it.

Hair lookin good and I woke up with it.

Hey there, Ego

My, myself, and I,

We're the shit

Yeah, we know.

Is that how this is suppose to go?

It seems a lot of people out there got a lot to brag about

But I ain't quite there yet, I got a lot to ask about.

There's just not enough room in my head to think comfortably

I'm fighting with myself in my mind like Three's A Company

Hey World,

I wanna be your favorite girl

So I talk a lot of shit

cause I'm good with words

But how much is that really worth

Nowadays what's in a word

But something everyone's already heard.

okay

Today was like every day

And I got a little scared.

A little bit love impaired

A little bit too aware

Of what happens next when I push green

Go

A little too calculated

A little too in-the-know

So I got a little self-righteous

From trying so hard to fight this

Feeling that I get when I'm fallin again

Couldn't tell you how I felt

So now I'm writing again.

It never wanted to lose the romance

One day it'll outweigh my conscience

In the end,

I'll send away my doubts and trade them for you

All the things that I fear for the things that you do

Because the problems in my mind,

I always calculated fine

But the music in my soul

Always found a way to rhyme

And its melody and its chime

Will be found somehow in time.

In time to say I'd like to go on date

With you if it's not too late.

"I heard the old, old men say, all that is Beautiful drifts away" -James Joyce

I've never seen wild things cry from a broken heart.

so Why, then, do I not envy such things.

Some say they are running towards freedom.

But I say they are just running away

You are not tamed nor will you ever be tamed

and For this, I respect your audacity.

But how dare you shake the apples from my tree

and leave me bare.

I watched you take a single bite of the fruit

That of which has fallen from my very limbs.

It satisfied your empty stomach

and that was enough.

It was not until you were full and ready

Did you started running again.

I've never seen proud men grow.

I have seen them smile, but never for someone else.

You may hide behind your golden mask

But I will never try to see through it.

And neither will the peasants who worship your throne.

For them,

Nothing more had caught their eye but the shine to your dollar.

The stench of self-pity and mourning fills this room.

Could it be the Sorrow hanging on your back?

I have never seen a wilted flower bloom again.

When spring came, still, it did not bloom.

The flower that has lived in winter for the past plenty years

Will never know,

That I must have wished upon it 10 times over.

You are blinded by the never ending rivers that flow against the banks of your pigmented skin

I waited for the rains to die down and the clouds to clear

But it never did

And I wasn't going to wait for another spring,

To fall in love with you.

I've never seen a mirror with a face but that of someone else's.

Why do I feel robbed?

I wake up at dawn

Every day self-assured and confident

But the Devil greets me when I look at the world.

Envy.

And now I am small.

I build myself up again with fallacies

And pretty looking things.

Tonight I will go to sleep with a different face on.

Who am I, she says.

I have never heard the color Red speak.

Nor do I want to hear what it has to say.

To me, Red might sound like a shade of orange

And I should not enjoy

Being confused.

A woman will never fall in love with the man who only swoons her with flattery

Too many are the sweet words that fall off his tongue

No longer are they as sweet,

With each word she begins to hear what sounds like "Hello."

When the book of poetry in your head has run out

I wonder what next will you have to recite.

May you glow Red,

And nothing more

You must know how Beautiful you are

In your truest of hues.