Today was my first full day at the state competition for a business program at school called DECA. 2,000 high school students gathered in one huge collective mass as my existence gradually began to feel smaller and smaller. It didn't take long for me to realize the scale of things--I was just one in a crowd of many and it was overwhelming if not intimidating to me. I sat there watching a bunch of white boys get up and dance to "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga, student bodies chanting their school's name, neighboring school's competing to see who could be the loudest, guys walking up and down the aisles scanning the crowd of people looking for "cute girls" and I just felt...uncomfortable. Everyone was so desperate for attention. And they would be just a little too loud and a little too foolish to get it. The only thing that bothered me was my school. The only school who used being assholes as their method of getting attention. The row of boys behind me would boo the other school's during their rallies and add "sucks" at the end when a school would chant their name. At first I felt embarrassed for them. And then I felt embarrassed for myself to be a part of a school that represented themselves in such a ignorant and obnoxious way. And at first no one said anything. Some people even felt like they should join in. By the second "boo" I turned around and pointed my flashing ba-dazzle baton (don't worry about it) at them and said "HEY! Stop being mean!" I even baton-fighted them to fend for our school's dignity. They didn't listen to me, those stupid stupid butt heads.
Keith Hawkins. Spoke at our open ceremony and one of the first things he said was how disrespectful some of us had behaved when he sat among us and he spoke about initiative and speaking out instead of silencing ourselves in the face of controversy. He said, those who are normal act in fear. Those who are normal watch in silence, and those who are abnormal take initiative to bring about change. He spoke with such defiance and purity. "Courage plus consideration equals maturity." Those who have the courage to speak vulgarly don't have the consideration to restrain. Why can't we be the ones to say: it's not okay.
I didn't look back and give the guys sitting behind me the stink eye nor did i say "haha, that's right, I'm the shit," but for once I felt that I was different. I've never been as smart as my sister. I never been as hard working as my parents. And I'm certainly not as straight gifted as some of my friends. But I don't have to be sought after or famous or super talented to be good enough. To be brave enough. To be special.
So that is right. And yes, I kind of am the shit.
