Sitting Comfortable

We always blame life for getting in the way, but did we ever think it could be us?

Things like society and your circle of friends and family. They don't deserve all that credit. Did it ever occur to us that maybe we just...have a choice?

There isn't a gene engrained in our genome that says who ever "they" say we're gonna be, that's who we'll be.

So who am I? Who do I choose to be?

I suppose it simply depends on one's definition of the overly used pronoun.

Sometimes I think I'm the girl who sees her life playing on the reel of a Sundance Festival indie movie (the ones that are really romantic and sentimental, yet clever and satirical at the same time so you feel cool when you're watching it). But the one thing that indie romance movies and the ones that Jennifer Anniston stars in have in common is that in the end, the girl always wins... And you know it's a lot of bullshit, okay. What's also a lot of bullshit is I keep watching it anyways, a little part of me believing that a little part of that movie will actually happen in real life--preferably to me. So the scene when the boy chases after me because he cares, I actually picture that translating from the plot of a cliche hollywood movie into my not-so-cliche-hollywood-movie life. Yeah I know, I set myself up for a let down. Whatever okay?

Sometimes I think it's the girl who waits for things that she knows will never happen to happen...she knows this because of evidence previously gathered based on trial and error. She's done her research on these things, don't even worry.

And then sometimes I think it's the girl who looks down on people for believing the extraordinary can happen to them. The girl who listens to her parents when they say she's never gonna be anything but a corporate girl who sucks up to her boss because no matter how miserable she is, she's not quite miserable enough to lose her job over her dignity (or lack there of). She's the girl who would kick romantic indie girl's ass.

But then I realized, why do I have to label who I am? Why do we always have to feel like we know everything about ourselves? I realized 68% of the stress I go through is me personally inflicting it upon myself. I know who I am, I do. But I don't have to justify it, or make sense out of it. I don't have to explain it or even put it in words.

A shooting star caught my eye as I was driving home from work tonight and I scrambled to make a wish. But every single time I thought of something I would take it back, until the point when my mind just stopped making up bullshit wishes and said, straight up, the most sensible thing it's ever said...

I don't want anything to change.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is sensational.

....Not to mention just a phase that will probably go away in the next 24 hours.

But just... savor the moment with me all you out there. Savor the moment.