It's Never the Changes We Want that Change Everything

Sometimes things can't be put in a box. Or written down on paper. Or sung through a tune, created into movement, or captured in a photograph. It can't be resolved with words no matter how articulate. It can't be made better by "I love you's" or "It's going to be okay's." Because at one point in our lives we're gonna feel like we're not good enough. No matter how many paintings we paint, how many videos we make of us doing cool things, how many dances we choreograph, how many friends we make, or blogs we write, we're still going to feel...uninspired. Sometimes when the world and its ambitions can be so big all we know to do,

is make us seem small.

It's inevitable: we are insignificant. Every single one of us. I'm not going to do everything I've ever wanted to do. I'm not gonna have everything I've ever wanted to have. We will all fail one way or another in our lifetime; Fall short of who we want to be and where we want to go. So I am insignificant, it's true. But I am not empty, I am not without faith. Gandhi once said, "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."

So even when I'm feeling inferior, or discouraged, or inadequate, I am still hungry to be more, and to chase after impossible dreams. Impossible because while I might think I know now, I really have no idea what I'm chasing after. But I run and I keep running. I cry and I laugh and I fail and I triumph because I know, before I reach my destination, I will turn around, take a left and around the corner I will find happiness. The dream I grew up believing in, will end. And I will look back and say, "Thank God."

In all honesty, there is only so much I know for certain right now. But as for the rest, I am completely and utterly aware of how oblivious I am. I believe that the reason I want certain things so badly now, is so I can use them as means of finding my way to the truth later. But I'm not afraid, and I am not deterred. I will never doubt that at the end of the road, I will be enlightened, I will be happy, and I will have not settled for anything less.

The journey to fulfillment will not be simple, but the destination should be perfectly clear. It will not be a place or a person, but a symbol of how far we've come. So, I'm ready to live the rest of my life now.... To be fair, I guess I've always been ready.

"It's never the changes we want that change everything." Junot Diaz, author